what a slacker

Forgive me bloggers…for a have sinned…it has been 2 days since my last confession. I would like to tell you that a lot has happened in the past few days. Not anything that I can say public…but just a heads up. the several things have actually shaped the way that I will think about things from now on. Which is a great thing. I am very excited about the changes that will come in the future as well. One more month. It is getting really close. There are a few things here that make me want to stay, but who knows how that will work out anyways. I really hope that things in the past can be forgotten and that we could try everything again. I have changed so much in the past few years…in a big way. Not only with maturity, but also with security. My life is so much more care free now with the love of my parents…and the ability for them to be there for me emotionally. It makes me be able to live my life the way I want to rather than worrying about protecting myself and my heart from anything. I will just keep my fingers crossed. If it works out, it works out…if it doesn’t, it doesn’t…but I would love it if it did!!

fall is in the air

There is something about the smell of a fall breeze that just makes me swoon. Each year around this time I will walk outside and just smile because I can smell it in the air. I know fall is still a few week away…but that cool wind sure did remind me of that smell. I can hardly wait!!

gotta shape up

i know its a little late…but with one month to go…i am going to try and work out a lot and eat better before my time away from home. if i plan to have fun hiking and spending time outdoors…i need to start being more active here. i guess its not late actually. i am already in ok shape…i just need to eat less sugar and start riding my bike and running. i am sure i will be ok…this video is great!!

hey fay, go away

Today was the worst paycheck I have gotten since last off season. ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. After being sent home for 4 shifts I could understsand why…and it’s not my fault that I had a crazy allergic reasction…so I guess I can deal with the low pay. No biggy. No worries. Well…a few worries….

Stupid tropical storm! I am going to be sent home all weekend again I think. Already this morning. I am inside tonight thank god…but tomorrow is iffy and I know that I will be off Sunday now. Which honestly…I think I will get over that too. Just live lightly for the next few weeks. I’ll be chillin at the house…tryin to stay dry…I just dropped a class that I didn’t need to take and would probably be stressed with so that I could collect the fin aid…haha…and that will be enough alone to get me to Big Bend!!

slow ride

not only am i counting the weeks…but i am also counting the days and minutes it seems…no more sleeping until 12 in the afternoon for me…these eyes have been wide open by 8…i gotta get outta here before my anxiety drives me insane!!! Big Bend here I come!

high hopes

no more of this shoulda woulda coulda crap…i’m just gunna…and no one can stop me

one minute remaining

speaking of close calls…this post was almost a day late…

Today was very productive…I sorted everything…clothes, purses, shoes, jackets, crap…I was cut throat!! Things I never used or never wore were put into a big black trash bag…two and a half 30 gallon trash bags to be exact…and taken to the Waterfront Mission. I was very pleased. I have wanted to get rid of that old stuff forever.

I also bought everything I need for the start of my trip…including lots of canned food like soup, tuna fish and veggies…also order a pair of nice looking hiking shoes on-line…then read the reviews There were three saying that the tongue is too short…so I hope that I get a new model or something. I even bought extra shampoo, conditioner, face wash, bar soap, bug spray, sun block…binoculars…a bike rack!! Anything I could think of that I know that I would need. This way after I pay my rent and phone bill this month all of my money is going to be for the trip. I will know my exact budget which makes me feel good.

As for my love life right now…it is retarded as usual. Nothing too exciting. But that is nothing new! Lets keep our fingers crossed that Erin gets to make out with someone before she disappears for 3 months!

cutting it close

Keeping up with this is going to be a little harder than I had expected. Well…not really because of time…I have 2 hours until I would have missed writing a blog every day. The hard part is going to be having something to talk about everyday. Well…I guess I do have something to say…

Today I went to the gas station and there was this girl in front of me. Actually a woman…she had to have been at least 30…and she looked like she weighed about 80 pounds. It was really sad…I could tell she was anorexic. She got a Vault…the cashier was like “Do you want a candy bar with that?” Hell yeah she wants a candy bar. She was so skinny I could see her bones poking out of her black dress. She responded “Nope…got the fuel for the tank and the fuel for my body” Just how she said “body” you could tell that she had some sort of self distortion disorder. Like she wasn’t even in her body…like her body didn’t exsist. I saw her in her car after I checked out. She sipped on the Vault long enough for me to pump 25 in gas and get in my car. Then she lit a cigarette and went on her way. Don’t ask why this made an impact on me. I am just happy for my health, glad that I have found peace with my self image, and thank God every day that I am still breathing…